Woof Means No
A very demanding Chihuahua has taken up residence in my house. She isn’t a new dog for us; in fact, we have had her since she was very little. But who she has become lately is a dog I don’t recognize. This dog-with-attitude thinks she runs the household, or thinks she can train us to run the household the way she sees fit. She barks incessantly no matter what we try to deter her behavior. There is no way this dog is learning commands either, she is 12 and is fed up living life the way the humans around her direct.
If she isn’t barking, she is sleeping. This dog has got it going on. It looks like her tactic works. You don’t like something: bark. If the humans don’t respond the way you want: bark some more.
I think what the Chi is practicing is self-care. We could probably take a lesson from her on how to live life.
For example, saying no.
From time to time, a very well meaning person will ask something of me, something I really don’t want to do, and I, wanting to work things out and keep things on an even keel, feels a catch in my breath as I inhale. What do I do? Do I say no and risk appearing unhelpful? Do I say no and look like an unhelpful bi@#*? I always get a little stuck.
This happened just the other day. A colleague flagged me down in the hall. “Nanc, I need your help!” “I smiled, and nodded, not saying a word yet. “I need you to take those plans for the professional development and break them down.”
“Oh,” I uttered. Thinking about all the work I had put into the plans, and not sure I really wanted to think about whatever, “break it down” meant.
“You can do that, right? I mean, it shouldn’t take you too long – just take the overall PD plan and break it up into smaller segments.” I didn’t want to work on it one minute longer. I wanted her to work on it. I started to stammer, in an un-definitive way. Then she gave me the stare. The look at that says… OK, I know you will do it.
I caved. I muttered some sort of agreement and inside slapped myself.
Now, the fact that I caved when I wanted to say no is not my colleague’s fault. It’s mine. That was a perfect moment to practice self-care. Just like my Chihuahua. I could have spoken up, expressed myself in someway. But I did what I usually do; I added it to my ever growing-never shrinking to-do list.
Yesterday, I felt really jazzed, my to-do list got down two items. Whoo-hoo! Then, I made the mistake of opening my email. At least on the email I don’t get the of course you will! stare-down. When I read the email, I can practice that self-care I seek.
Self-care helps us balance what is good for us, and what is less than ideal. There is nothing wrong with a good dose of no when you are overscheduled, overbooked, overstretched, or just overdone. A little no can go a long way.
I realize that getting the ‘no’ out may take some practice, and the first time you say no you might have a panic attack (I did). But keep trying. Apply that self-care in small doses, when warranted. There is always a fall back if you just can’t utter ‘no’, you can just do what my spunky little Chi does.
Woof.
